Why I Handed in My Collar or Flipping the Switch

September 15, 2014 at 21:16 (BDSM, M/S)

(Two years ago I wrote about this very same subject, and at the time I should have stuck to my guns.  I knew what I did and didn’t want then, and I knew how this would play out.  And it did.)

It all came to a screeching halt on what started as a quiet morning.  Trust.  It boiled down to trust.  I won’t drag Angelflare through the mud here; we were both at fault.  All that matters is that my security and my trust were broken, and I could no longer see myself in a collar, at least not until the issues in my marriage were mended.

I had been warned in the past that ending our D/s would be the beginning of the end of our marriage, that we had never been equals even in a vanilla setting, and that it was my choice whether or not to be happy in collar.  At the moment I handed in my collar I felt like it was that or I was going to do something harmful to myself.  It had crossed my mind, and as much as I didn’t want my marriage to end, I couldn’t fathom living one more day not being true to myself.  I had already sacrificed too much time and too much of myself for us both to still be so unsatisfied, and a lifestyle I had once loved had begun to feel like a prison.

So, we started a new dynamic.  I can’t tell you whether or not it’s saving our marriage, but I know it’s not making it any worse.  I do know that the new freedom and empowerment I feel has done nothing but reassure me that I made the right choice.  No matter where I end up I will have done what was healthy for me.

Friends, no matter what you’ve agreed to, if it’s not good for you there’s no reason to keep doing it.

I look forward to bringing you an ever-changing Sintangible who is finding her own way somewhere she’d forgotten she loved to journey.  Won’t you come with me?

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