Good Girl

January 21, 2016 at 12:19 (Uncategorized)


So, for the last year I’ve had my ups and downs with kink, and for a while there was a dry spell.  Having lost both Master and sub, I was fairly over the whole deal.  Then something crazy happened…

Good girl. 

Pretty innocuous, really, and directly from someone fairly vanilla, but those two words sparked something….new?

New.  Just the concept of new seemed odd to me.  I thought I’d figured it out.  I thought I’d gotten all the new out of my system.  This was weird.  This was AWESOME!

Then something else happened.

Good Girl.

In April I signed up for a program that would help me tell my story in the form of a solo show in NYC.  I struggled for months over the general arc my show would take.  Would it center around my job?  Polyamory?  Geekery?

It took our Artist in Residence thirty seconds.  “I’ve noticed that kink is such a big part of your life, the turning point of your marriage, and the place where you really began to find your community and yourself, but you never write about it.  What if the arc was a scene?”

Genius, right?

And so, my show, Good Girl, was born, and with this began months of introspection.  What would this scene look like?  What would my role in it be?  How would it end?  How intimate would it get?  As it took shape, a final question…”would I be able to perform this?”  It’s one thing to be kinky in a dark dungeon full of other kinksters. It’s another thing to do it in front of a possibly vanilla audience out to see a Saturday matinee in NYC.  What if my dad showed up?  But I was in this, all or nothing, so I kept writing. The end result was a show I was extremely proud of.

I only had one more problem.  

I have made it a personal philosophy not to fake orgasms.  I believe it breaks down communication and encourages mediocre behaviour.  The result is that I don’t know how, or at least I didn’t, much to the celebration of any sexual partner I’ve ever had and the changrin of my stage director.  The literal climax of my show, and I was going to botch it.

It took two days of coaching and practice, and my partners sitting in the front row a foot from where I knelt, but in the end I nailed it!

So I enter 2016 with a new role, a new skill, and a newfound zeal for Sintangible.

Thanks for sticking around!

Permalink Leave a Comment

The Toll of Losing a Sub

December 5, 2014 at 17:32 (Uncategorized) (, , , , , )


When you take on a submissive you start building a bond that often goes much deeper than some romantic relationships,  Because of the nature of the dynamic, it requires a connection build on trust, transparency, and dedication in both partners, and the time and energy spent on the relationship becomes a kind of commitment.

As  Domme, I take my responsibility to my submissives very seriously.  They become a part of me, and I become invested in them as I would as any kind of caregiver.  They become a constant part of my life, and when that suddenly stops there is an emptiness that creeps into my day like a thick fog.  It’s not that I depend on their presence, but I desire it and become comfortable with it as a part of my world.  Sudden, unexpected separation is a deep cut.

That’s what’s happening now.  For almost a year I’ve been developing a strong bond with a submissive, and it took us a while to get the right groove for him to fit in, but he was finally there.  I was extremely proud of his progress, and he seemed to be starting to develop a sense of pride in himself that I had never seen.  He was flowering, and it was fascinating to watch.

For very personal reasons, a few days ago he was suddenly not here.  No warning, no parting words, no closure.   It’s still a bit of a shock, and I dealing with it from a distance of 3,000 miles from work as I try to help his other partners through the experience.  Three years ago I experienced a similar situation with Angelflare, and I’m trying my hardest to be the metamour I wish I’d had.  The caveat to that is that I feel so far away.  I feel isolated from the support circle.  I feel in some ways, though his partners have been great, that our relationship is overlooked because of its nature.  In reality, a piece of me has been taken away, and I don’t know for how long or in what capacity.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you these interactions aren’t real, that the emotional bonds we create are ephemeral, or that it’s “just physical”.  It’s none of those things.  I was responsible for someone, and I feel like I failed him in some respects.  He depended on me, and I am helpless in this situation.  He loved me and all I can do is stand back and wait.

The Domme in my switch hates waiting.  The lover in me is heartbroken.  The human in me doesn’t know how to process it all at once.

Aloha

Permalink Leave a Comment

Fantasies

November 10, 2013 at 18:33 (Uncategorized)


your lips have never tasted mine

but in my mind
we have fucked a thousand times
every night some new divine intervention
and while your voice has never graced my ears
your words coax my climax
like a prayer
and you’re not there
but it is your hand I hold
your body I cling to
in that blinding moment
when we are closer than we have ever been
and I return to you
night after night
because when I’m with you
I don’t have to wonder
if you love me
don’t have to wonder
if you think I’m pretty
or sexy
or funny
or smart
because when I’m with you
I won’t have to worry
about doing the right thing
saying the right words
touching the right place
because when I’m with you
anything is possible
as long as I can think it
no roles to fill, no protocols
just me and all the passion that has nowhere to go
all the energy that flows to fallow fields
all the attention that no one else wants
it’s all yours
and I am never as awake
as when I’m with you

Permalink Leave a Comment

An introduction…kind of.

October 18, 2011 at 17:53 (Uncategorized) (, )


So, I’ve been deliberating for months how to start this blog.  I couldn’t see just popping up a post without some kind of introduction, but isn’t an introduction just a clone of the “about” page?  Maybe I think about it too much, but it seemed awkward to just start writing, so here it is, a brief introduction.

In most circles I go by Autumn, and in the BDSM scene I am known as Sintangible.  I am a switch with both a Master and my own collared subs.  I am pansexual and polyamorous.  I enjoy a myriad of things, most of which will be discussed here at some point.  I am not a fan of lists.

My goal with this blog is to educate and to chronicle my development.  I do not claim to be an expert, but I can share what I do know and what I learn in my adventures.  Wherever I can be useful, I will be.  If I can teach anyone anything they didn’t already know I will consider this blog a success.  In addition, my goal is to network, and broaden my knowledge base.  Writing about what I know forces me to learn more about the subject, since I like to give as thorough and accurate information as I can.

So there you have it, Sin in summation.  I look forward to this new blog.  I hope you’ll take this adventure with me.

Sin-cerely

Permalink Leave a Comment