On Littles Being Littles

January 28, 2016 at 12:42 (BDSM) (, , , , , )


“She’s a little.  What do you expect? “

These words make me cringe, an I wish I could say they weren’t ones I hear too often.   As a matter of fact,  I was horrified when I came to the realization that I’m a Little myself, though less Hello Kitty Little, more Wednesday Addams Little.  I’ve been to my share of events and conventions,  always making a point to avoid the Littles’ corner, as there is not an ounce of tolerance in me for bratty, whiney, petulant behaviour.  Did I act that way and not know it?

The answer was yesand no.

You see, I can be a little bratty and difficult when I want to be.  I can be cute and cuddly.  I can earn a damned good spanking or rewards when I want to.  When I want to.

I can also sit and have a rational discussion, like an adult.  No matter who my Daddy is, I can conduct myself like the mature woman I am, and he expects me to be able to do so.  We can talk politics or household issues.  We can discuss work, families, and hobbies.   I can socialize with mentamours and vanilla friends.  Why? Because I’m an adult, that’s why, and a real life relationship between adults requires it.  

I don’t know where the idea came from that Littles have found a magic loophole that allows them to shirk responsibilities, but it’s simply not true.  It’s not fair to anyone to pout or stomp my way out of an argument or into an uncomfortable situation.  It’s not fair to anyone to make anyone else pull my extra weight because I’ve decided not to be an adult when appropriate.  It’s a disservice to a partner to enable unacceptable behaviour as a person with the excuse that “Littles are gonna be Littles”, and it’s offensive to those of us who conduct ourselves like decent human beings.  

Maybe this makes me a bad Little, but I’d rather be a bad Little than a hurtful partner, but there must be an expectation that a Little knows the appropriate time and place to be a Little and when to be an adult.  That’s what separates us from actual children.

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On Being a Switch: Picking a Side

March 6, 2013 at 21:15 (M/S) (, , , , , , , , , , , )


When Angelflare and I met we were both Switches.  Don’t get me wrong, we still are, but we have chosen to live as a 24/7 M/s couple.  Because of this, we no longer switch with each other.  While I love the way our marriage has grown and strengthened as a result of our M/s, I also feel like a part of who we were is gone. I used to love that we could explore with each other on both sides of the whip, and at this time it is not a part of our relationship.

Bring in Angelflare’s girlfriend, A, who is a Dominant, and a deep part of myself that I had pushed down when we decided to take on a 24/7 relationship is awakened.  It’s hard for me to suppress feelings of loss and regret.  I miss who we were.  I miss how free we used to be with each other, and

Pulling

sometimes I feel like there are so many rules and so many compartments we’ve built for our relationship that I start to feel stifled and cornered.

This is an issue I did not foresee when we changed our arrangement, and one of the few places where I still find myself holding a lot of jealousy and resentment.  There are very few things that are unique to our relationship, but now there’s this significant one that is unique to theirs, one I really enjoyed and miss very much.  Not that I’ve pinpointed it I can begin to work through it, but it’s going to take some work, and maybe someday we can work out an arrangement that fulfills that desire in me again.

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On Being a Privately Owned Slave

February 7, 2013 at 23:38 (M/S) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )


Image of spanking

There was a post recently in a Fetlife group about appreciating the opinions of slaves which heeded Dominants from punishing honest slaves publicly on the internet for expressing their opinions.  I took no notice of the litany of comments until I realized that the post was specifically directed towards Dominants who had no ownership of the slaves they were punishing.  The post suggested they should bring the behaviour in question to the owner of the slave in question.  I admit I was taken aback.  As both a slave and a Domina, I took it very personally that anyone would ever be so brash as to even make this an issue.

Maybe I’ve got it easy.  While I will show respect to any D-type in my presence, that’s a politeness I extend because of social decorum not obligation.  I am beholden to no Master by my own, and would never stand for anyone punishing me who was not Angelflare.  I would assume that if I ever stepped out of line he would be the first to hear about it, but it does not take a village to raise a slave.  I had a “Sir” reprimand me once at an event for not responding to a question in a way he found acceptable, and it raised my heckles in ways I cannot begin to explain.  Yes, I belong to Angelflare, but the rest of the world is mine.  I owe no loyalty or obedience to anyone, especially a complete stranger.

As a Domina I am very protective of what’s mine.  I would never punish someone else’s property, and I would take it very personally for anyone to do so to mine.  It’s just common courtesy.  My s-types don’t have the same rules I do as a slave, so they definitely don’t have the same rules as every other s-type out there.  In the same way I wouldn’t let someone spank my child, especially in public, I would never tolerate someone else punishing my submissive.  It’s just rude and presumptuous.

I may have lit a couple fires by responding to the thread as a slave, but I felt like it made my point better from that side of the slash.  When it comes down to it, we’re all adults.  I will not be spoken to like a bad child because a Dominant feels I’ve broken one of his rules.  He can deal with that disappointment like an adult.  If he really feels the need for justice, he can contact Angelflare, who will either apologize and punish me or politely thank him and we’ll have a good laugh about it.  It’s out of respect for Angelflare that I don’t laugh directly at someone who tries to intimidate or enforce his rules on me, but I promise it garners you no respect to do so.  Respect from me, whether as a D or an s, is given to those who deserve it and have earned it, not because it’s been decreed.

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Fire Play and What It Means To Me

February 5, 2013 at 00:54 (BDSM) (, , , , , )


Flames Rising from the Egg Cup 2

Fire is a living thing with a life and personality of its own.  It warms and transforms, but it also consumes and destroys.  Some of my best memories come from sitting around a bonfire or in front of a fireplace, but fire has a way of drawing out fears and passions at the same time.

The first time Angelflare brought up fire play I panicked.  I’ve always been very sensitive to heat and fire, and I had spent a lot of my life avoiding it, not asking someone to touch me with it.  Our first experience was rough, but something inside me was awakened.  I hated it, but I wanted more, so we kept at it.  Today it’s one of my favourite activities in and out of the dungeon.

First of all, the physical sensation of a fire massage and cupping is fantastic.  It’s warm and tingly, and it helps a lot of the muscle problems I face with fibromyalgia.  Feeling the rush of fire and hands flowing over me, the warm hand on fresh, cold skin and the soothing touch of a cold hand on just fired skin, is something that cannot be replicated.

Next there’s a mental and emotional aspect for me.  I still get a feeling of trepidation before we begin, so every session I am forced to face that fear and overcome it.  I give up control and trust Angelflare not to hurt me, and I have learned to ride the play instead of bracing for each new touch.  From there it becomes a very intimate exchange between us.

Fire play has helped me learn to embrace and control my inner fire.  Once I learned not to fear the flames or let them have power over me I was able to stop the irrational flames inside me from consuming me.  There is a warm calm within the fire, but it takes waking through it in the first place.

Then there’s the spiritual side of fire play, which is very strong for me.  Not only does the scene become a very strong exchange of energy and passion between me and Angelflare, but it helps me connect with the element of fire and my patron deity, Brighid in a way that I had not found before fire play.  The physical fire speaks to the fire within me, and quite a few times our fire sessions have become spontaneous meditation for me.  This past weekend our session turned into an impromptu Imbolc celebration and re-dedication to Brighid.  It was probably the most powerful inner ritual I’ve ever done, and it was amazing.

Fire play has taught me not to fear new things, but to embrace them.  I love watching how passionate Angelflare gets no matter who he’s cupping or firing, and I love watching the transformation on the other end of his wands, especially if it’s her first time.  He’s still finding new sensations to give me, and my last session was done by two people at once, which was unbelievable.  I can’t wait to see what he comes up with next.  Until then I will dream in fire.

 

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Beyond Awareness

December 9, 2012 at 21:02 (BDSM) (, , , , , , , )


I am typing this with my left hand.

I am not left handed.

Cgosms_2012-11-2504-03-56

I have a mid-humeral spiral fracture and radial nerve damage in my right arm that caused a blood clot and acute cellulitis.  The break will have me out of work for at least six weeks, the nerve damage could take much longer to heal.  Until then I have no use of my right hand.  I currently have no income, as even my supplemental work requires dexterity.  It’s Christmas, and we were scraping for bills as it was.

I signed a consent form.

Let me start by saying that no one is to blame for this.  Accidents happen, and with most of our serious interests it’s not a matter of “if” but “when”. Everyone involved was aware of my sensitive spots, and a plan was made in advance to ensure I was safe.  Every precaution was made that could have  been, but still, accidents happen.  I am extremely lucky my accident happened where it did, at a fetish event surrounded by community veterans.  Without the immediate attention of a great group of people with experience my memories of the events that night would have been much worse.

We’ve all been to an event at some point where we signed a waiver.  We look cute in our vinyl, lace, or leather and heels, boots, or whatever else, and we sign it without question.  How many of us take them to heart?  We’ve all heard the term “go hard or go home”. What happens when “go home” becomes “go to the hospital”?

The kink community is a huge proponent of “risk awareness” and safety, but what does that mean beyond knowing it could happen in some hypothetical situation?  It means knowing it will happen and that there is no such thing as an acceptable level of risk.  It’s all or nothing.  You don’t get to decide the severity of an accident.

My point here is not to scare anyone away from anything she enjoys  but to stress that, more than awareness, our minds should be focused on preparedness and acceptance.  If you were seriously injured during a scene right now would you be prepared to accept the real life consequences of that injury?  It’s a pretty heavy thing to consider.  Could your life, and even your relationship, survive that sort of blow?

We could not really have prepared for much of this past having medical insurance and a savings account, but we can get over those hurdles.  It’s the the people who have come together to help us do so that have made the difference between a terrible situation and one we can tolerate.  As soon as it happened our community came together to offer support, concern, and advice.  People I hardly knew before this have messaged me on Fetlife just to see how I’m healing.

Right now all the onus of running our household and taking care of me rest solely on Angelflare’s shoulders.  He’s had to keep up his end and pick up all the things I just can’t do.  Our play is severely limited, and may be for some time, and money is a thing of fantasy.  He really has stepped up to what it really means to be a Master and a husband.  He’s been patient and understanding, even when the pain and frustration make me cantankerous and unruly.  Our D/s is still in place, but he has shown me that it is not inflexible in times like these.   It’s not easy or ideal, but our family has survived worse, and that’s the only reason I accept this kind of risk with him and only with him.  I also know I can trust him to only involve dependable people where my safety is concerned, and because of that I feel as secure as I do with the more high risk play.

Am I turned off to kink?  No way!  Will I consider a short term disability plan in addition to my long term?  Definitely.  This life is about balance.  Right now I’m frustrated and a little concerned, but as all things in life this is fluid.  I will take it as a wake up call and a learning experience and move on with a dedication to my D/s and a firm grasp on just how serious it is to keep a calm head about risk and safety before, during, and after any type of incident.  That’s all we really can do, friends.

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Familiarity

August 19, 2012 at 11:26 (M/S) (, , , , , , , )


couples in park

In the beginning of a 24/7 relationship there are changes and challenges at every turn. Some of them are anticipated, and some will completely blindside even the most prepared couple. Since every M/s relationship has unique a structure, it only makes sense that sometimes it seems like our issues are leading us into uncharted territory, and quite often the path to this territory depends on where the relationship found its beginnings. There Master and slave friends? Strangers? Lovers?

Angelflare and I were married before we decided to be 24/7, and our marriage already had established routines and habits. We played, we switched depending on the scene, and in many cases we were two dominants in a loving relationship. Quite often we’d bump heads, compete for dominance, and end up in a fight with nothing being accomplished. Taking this step helped us have defined roles, which made us a more productive and effective team, but it has lead to a few unforseen potholes in our journey to a functioning M/s relationship.

To be clear, defining these roles does not mean I am any less of a switch, just not with Angelflare. It also does not mean he has completely ceased to be a working member of our household. When I am sick he takes care of things. When I need help with chores or tasks he has no problem helping. In being Master he has not relinquished his role as husband, lover, or best friend. It merely changes the way we interact at times and defines what is expected of me before I ask for help and how I go about doing so.

One of the great things about being married before we were M/s is that we already know each other inside and out. Angelflare knows by my body language exactly how I’m feeling. He knows how I think, what makes me cry, and how to change my mind. I know when his mood has changed by his posture and whether or not he is serious or joking about anything. This has let us skip a lot of “getting to know you” faux pas and move on to the meat of our M/s.

Unfortunately, our familiarity is also sometimes a hinderance. I enjoy being able to sit with Angelflare and watch a movie. I love the moments where we joke and laugh until neither of us can breathe. He has brought it to my attention that sometimes these moments feel like a lapse in protocol and respect, that our familiarity keeps me from living in the mindset of a slave. The fact that I can be completely comfortable and honest with him is one of my favourite parts of our marriage, and the thought of having to give all of that up in the name of constant propriety and structure is not something I can imagine being the rest of my life with this man.

So, where do we find the balance where I can be the slave he needs but still have the moments that have always made us us. I find it hard to believe that we have lost our identity as a couple. How do we find ways to express that identity and have a strong M/s dynamic? How does he tell me when he needs me to be on pointe with my protocol, and when how I do let him know that I need the comfort of the man who makes me feel at home? Where is that place where it ebbs and flows and all becomes who we are? Has our identity changed, and if so has it changed for the better?

The answer to the latter is obviously, yes, as any relationship changes and evolves. The catch is finding the comfort, joy, and love in every new place life takes us together and not give in to nostalgia and feelings of loss, There are, however, key elements that will always be a part of us, and I know those things don’t go away because there are new rules. Our moments of familiarity will always be there, and part of my trust and confidence needs to lie in the belief that those key elements do not change or go away when those moments are over, when he may seem a little cooler, or when I’m being punished. I need to know that the familiarity we have will never dissipate, we just need to find the right ways to channel it into this new dynamic.

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A Very Merry Sinbirthday to Me

August 11, 2012 at 22:03 (BDSM) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )


birthday party

It all started with a Tweet.

This year I spent my birthday at the Floating World, a weekend long fet event.  Being my first, I was excited, and admittedly a little nervous, but I went into the mode in which I work the best; pack and prep.  Once that was done, the only recourse I had was to make sure I made an appropriate entrance into the realm of local kink events.  The fact that it would be my birthday had already given Angelflare delicious ideas, and I was anxious to see how the weekend would treat me.

Then there was Twitter, where one of my followers is The Floating World.  I very naively had sent them a Tweet asking if they had any packing sugegstions for newbies, obviously forgetting the kind of smart-assed crowd our community can be.  I received an answer, albeit an entirely unhelpfull one, suggesting newbies be wraped in bubble wrap.  “Not because they’re fragile.  We just like bubble wrap.”    With that in mind, I got to work.

What I ended up with was this:

And so, our adventure began!

I arrived Thursday night straight from work, still in my work uniform and exhausted from the ride, which included two SEPTA trains and a New Jersey Transit double-decker.  I managed to gt us unpacked and organized, double-checked our class schedules, and hit the bed running with dreams of suspended sugarplums dancing in my head.  My classes of the day included tips in suspension for curvy girls, M/s philosophies, and service positions.  I met some new people, made some new contacts, and had some insightful conversations.  I ran into a few people I recognized, which is still a rare but joyous thing for me, and managed to find my foothold in a somewhat overwhelming environment.  I felt immediately upon entering the facility that I was somewhere I belonged, but by the end of the day I felt like I was not going to just follow; I was going to flourish!

That night Angelflare decided it was time to debut my creation, and for him to unveil his plans to honour my birthday.  I bounced in my ebullient plastic skirt as people stopped me to ask for a pop or two, and I considered auctioning off the bubbles in the good bits.  Then it was time to really get the fun started.  I was pierced in both arms with a total of twenty-nine needles with birthday candles glued to them.  Once they were lit, a group of people who had flocked to watch sang the slowest version of Happy Birthday I have ever heard as birthday candle wax started to trickle, drip, and coat the skin around the needles before I could blow them out.  The resulting high was phenomenal.  I don’t remember the rest of that night, but at some point I lost the bubble wrap dress and sang some Eve 6 at Kinky Karaoke.  With Angelflare on his volunteer assignment, the night was mine, and I soaked up as much of it as I could before my head and body demanded sleep.

The next morning we were at it again with classes on cell popping, punishment, service, and single tailing.  I realized a love for swivel handled floggers and mentally added them to my Domme list, but ultimately we walked out that night with a newly adopted Violet Wand.  I skipped dungeon time to save my energy for the last day.  Instead I sat in the hotel room watching Mean Girls with the cheesecake Angelflare had bought me from the diner across the street.

Our last day was a lead up to dungeon time, with classes on duct tape and..well, duct tape!  I bought a new book on M/s, which I will review when I’m done, and we learned yet another suspension harness. Our time in the dungeon that night was intense.  I still have polka dots on my back from the fire play, which left me buzzed and alive all over.  Then there was flogging and my first single-tail experience.  A puddle of myself, I was given the best birthday gift a slave girl could ask for when Angelflare told me I had earned his mark (in the form of a cell popping).

At that moment I couldn’t even properly respond except to keep sobbing and let my mind whirl.  I hadn’t felt that wanted and cherished since he proposed to me.  In hindsight I realize it was the moment I finally felt like I was his, that I’d surrendered, and that I wasn’t just going through the motions.  He had noticed my evolution as a 24/7 slave, and he approved.  At that moment I felt and owned my position as a slave, and it was an indescribable release.  At that moment it felt like my birthday.  I had been given new life, as his slave, with new purpose and new resolve.

I felt like a different person on my way to work Monday morning, still in my event buzz.  I can definitely say this was one of the best first experiences I could possibly have imagined.  The people I met were fantastic, supportive, and immediately accepting, and Angelflare managed to make me feel loved and celebrated.  It was, indeed, a Very Merry Sintangible Birthday to me!

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Choosing Pain

July 28, 2012 at 00:12 (BDSM) (, , , , , , , , , , , )


BDSM activity

I was recently asked to give my two cents for an article about chronic conditions, physical limitations, disabilities etc and kink, the main question being Why would one who is in chronic pain choose to be in more pain?  As some of you may know, I am have Type 1 Diabetes and Fibromyalgia, and because of both I can be anywhere from mildly irritated to severely debilitated on any given day.   This has created a few extra considerations in how I lead a BDSM lifestyle, and at times has been a slight inconvenience.  It  has also not only helped in some ways, but the benefit seems to be mutual, meaning my kink and my chronic pain have found ways to improve each other.  Who knew?

A friend of mine who is a tattoo artist mentioned to be during my last session  that she has noticed a higher tolerance from people with chronic pain when it comes to tattoos.  The theory there is that we have grown so accustomed to dealing with deep aches and pains on a daily basis that the superficial irritation caused by tattooing is not registered as intensely by our nerves.  I have noticed the same can be said for flogging, spanking, scratching, and most other surface sensation pain during a scene.  Unless it’s a particularly bad day for me, as long as Angelflare doesn’t bite into me right away, I have more endurance than I used to.

Having a day-to-day condition has pushed Angelflare to get to know my body language more intimately than he might have to otherwise.  I never have to tell my Master I’m having a bad day or what tasks I may be incapable of performing.  He already knows.  This has strengthened the trust I have that he will always protect me as his slave, and I am more ready to be blindly obedient knowing he has that kind of consideration and ability to read my pain and energy levels.

In what ways has kink helped my chronic pain?  For one thing, fire play and percussion play are an excellent way to massage and loosen muscles, not to mention the endorphin release our bodies naturally experience at times of intense pleasure or pain, but it goes even beyond that.  Being in service has done wonders to fill the hole my illness tore in my self esteem.

When I started to get sick I felt useless as both a wife and a lover.  I couldn’t take care of my family or our house.  We couldn’t have sex at all let alone engage in any kind of kink activities.  I was sure Angelflare hated me and regretted marrying me.  I felt sick, ugly, old, fat, weak, and broken.  It took me a long time to heal those wounds to my confidence, and being in service has helped with that.  I feel wanted, I feel capable, and I know that I will be pushed to go until I need to stop not just until I want to stop.  Being a slave has also given me a constant awareness of my body, which has helped me identify bad days from just feeling down or every day aches and pains, and has given me no wiggle room to make excused.  Angelflare will tell me when to rest.  Until then, I have to believe I still have the strength.

The biggest benefit I have gotten out of kink has been community.  Whenever I have been sick or had a particularly bad stretch our friends in the community have been the first to offer support in any way possible.  It’s always been one of the best unexpected side-effects of our lifestyle, and I would never trade it for anything.

To answer the original question, why would I choose pain?  It’s the same reason anyone in the lifestyle would still be mad at an unrequested punch in the face.  When the pain comes from something I’ve chosen, something that brings me pleasure, or at least brings Angelflare pleasure, the pain is acceptable.  Chronic pain or not, I can’t think of anyone who would get pleasure out of breaking a leg in a skiing accident.  The concept here is the same.

The pain I choose is pain I can harness and transform into something powerful, something positive, something that cannot be replicated.  The pain I choose is mine, and it is bliss.  The pain I choose makes the pain I do not seem a million miles away.  The pain I choose makes me feel desired, and beautiful, and strong, even when I do not feel like it.  The pain I choose makes me feel human again, and that’s something I never want to lose sight of again.

 

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Common Sense as Protocol

July 26, 2012 at 21:48 (M/S) (, , , , , , , , , )


la dame sans merci III duotone

I was recently sunk into several layers of thought after reading this blog by Graydancer.  In fact, I had to read it several times, follow the rabbit hole of links he provided for references, and read it again to begin to comprehend what I was reading.  It seems, friends, as if I’ve been doing it wrong.  Try to suppress your surprise that anyone in an alternative lifestyle should think anyone else in that same lifestyle is doing it wrong, and therefore offensive to the lifestyle as a whole, but this seems to be a more widespread topic of conversation than I thought, and I have come to the only possible conclusion one can in this situation, which I will share at the end just to keep you reading.

Back to the matter at hand.  This all starts when Graydancer types the word “domist”, which I read as the belief that Doms are privileged and subs are devalued.  The topic at hand was third-party permission, meaning this:  As a third-party, should one ask permission of my Master to speak with me assuming our dynamic is obvious and that third-party is familiar with what I have always assumed to be “scene courtesy”?  I have always taken this as a sign of respect for a couple’s dynamic.  If the slave is free to interact on her own I have still done no harm by asking first.  If not I have saved myself the issue of stepping on her Master’s toes.

Apparently there is dissent and disagreement on this matter.  There were two reactions that Graydancer garnered that particularly rubbed me in funny ways, especially as a slave.

The first was, “I don’t like being ignored!”, which nearly caused an aneurysm.  Seriously, I had to walk away from the computer and find something to beat my head against that Angelflare wouldn’t beat me for breaking.  The idea that my Master is the privileged one of the two of us is a bit of a “duh” statement for me.  Isn’t that the role I accepted when I chose to be a slave?  My pleasure is his pleasure.  My life is his life.  I am property.  It really doesn’t matter if I like being ignored or not.  That’s not my choice to make.  Greydancer does point out that if someone is asking permission to talk to me it’s not being ignored, and to me it’s even more than being spoken to directly.  I’m worth asking  permission to talk to!  That makes my slave heart smile!

The second comment that ruffled my slave feathers a bit was the idea that by expecting this courtesy Angelflare and I would be forcing our scene on them without consent!  Yeah, read that again.  What?  Here Graydancer does a great job of explaining that for many of us this is not a scene.  This is how we live our lives.  This is who we are.  Angelflare and I are not forcing you to do anything.  Of course you can ignore our wishes and talk to anyone you want, and I can choose to ignore you until you’ve obtained permission from my Master.  Who are you to assume you deserve a breach in my obedience?

The basis of Graydancer’s post, and the original one he links to about “domism”, seems to be gender.  The original poster seems to focus on male Doms and female submissives, citing “Patriarchal and heterosexist patterns” in a scene that, in her experience, is saturated by male Dominants.  I have to admit I can’t relate to her feelings, as that has not been my experience.  As a pansexual female switch married to a pansexual male switch who just happens to take the role as my Master I have not noticed a dynamic paradigm.  Our local community is fairly balanced, and I had not assumed others to be any different.  Nor is it really any of my business.  As a female I don’t take any offence to it. I don’t assume any of it happens because I’m a woman; I assume it’s because of the collar around my neck.  If I’m the one holding the leash I expect, and am afforded, the same courtesy no matter what the gender of the person on the other end.  This is how it should be.

My conclusion?  That we are all taking how other people live their lives way too seriously, especially for people who are publicly hailing our rights to live the way we wish and talk to who we wish, and so on, and so forth.  This is not high school.  This is not a life or death decision.  You will not die if you speak to me and I ignore you because I refuse to let you impose your desire to be a rebel on my protocols.  Just don’t do so if you don’t like to be ignored, because ignored you will be.

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Opting for Hopeless (Part 2)

July 20, 2012 at 00:57 (BDSM) (, , , , , , , , , , )


Gothic Ballerina, October 2008, Marcillé Raoul...

I wrote a couple days ago about the place for romanticism in a poly relationship.  As I did, I realized that I have heard the same comments about BDSM, D/s, and similar relationships.  Is there a place in a 24/7 M/s relationship for romanticism?  Dear gods, I hope so.

I think the first thing to address about a 24/7 relationship, well mine anyway, is that while I am always in service we are not always in a scene. We do have loving, tender, married couple sex.  We do have dates, sweet moments, and do touching things for one another.  So, yes, there is still room for romance in our life.  No, I would not expect flowers and mushy cards on a dungeon night, although I may expect a flogger or two to show up at the end of date night.  I’m kidding, but you get the point.

Unless the relationship is a completely detached, casual play situation with no intimacy I think romance finds a way in to a loving BDSM relationship.  It’s unstoppable, it’s inevitable, it’s vital.

Just an opinion from a slave who happens to be a hopeless romantic and wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

 

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