The Toll of Losing a Sub

December 5, 2014 at 17:32 (Uncategorized) (, , , , , )


When you take on a submissive you start building a bond that often goes much deeper than some romantic relationships,  Because of the nature of the dynamic, it requires a connection build on trust, transparency, and dedication in both partners, and the time and energy spent on the relationship becomes a kind of commitment.

As  Domme, I take my responsibility to my submissives very seriously.  They become a part of me, and I become invested in them as I would as any kind of caregiver.  They become a constant part of my life, and when that suddenly stops there is an emptiness that creeps into my day like a thick fog.  It’s not that I depend on their presence, but I desire it and become comfortable with it as a part of my world.  Sudden, unexpected separation is a deep cut.

That’s what’s happening now.  For almost a year I’ve been developing a strong bond with a submissive, and it took us a while to get the right groove for him to fit in, but he was finally there.  I was extremely proud of his progress, and he seemed to be starting to develop a sense of pride in himself that I had never seen.  He was flowering, and it was fascinating to watch.

For very personal reasons, a few days ago he was suddenly not here.  No warning, no parting words, no closure.   It’s still a bit of a shock, and I dealing with it from a distance of 3,000 miles from work as I try to help his other partners through the experience.  Three years ago I experienced a similar situation with Angelflare, and I’m trying my hardest to be the metamour I wish I’d had.  The caveat to that is that I feel so far away.  I feel isolated from the support circle.  I feel in some ways, though his partners have been great, that our relationship is overlooked because of its nature.  In reality, a piece of me has been taken away, and I don’t know for how long or in what capacity.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you these interactions aren’t real, that the emotional bonds we create are ephemeral, or that it’s “just physical”.  It’s none of those things.  I was responsible for someone, and I feel like I failed him in some respects.  He depended on me, and I am helpless in this situation.  He loved me and all I can do is stand back and wait.

The Domme in my switch hates waiting.  The lover in me is heartbroken.  The human in me doesn’t know how to process it all at once.

Aloha

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